how much I missed her

Someone once told me that it didn't happen if you don't blog about it. Well, I've been kind of living by that recently. But it doesn't help. It still happened.


In October, Gunnar went in for surgery on an abcess on his forehead. He was riddled with cancer in the sinus area and had pieces of disintegrating bone floating around. The vet recommended putting him to sleep so I let him go right then.


Shortly after this, Daisy started sneezing and spraying blood. The vet said it could be allergies, cancer, or something unknown. He treated her with antihistimines and antibiotics. We hoped it was an allergy because she seemed to be improving...


Then she began misting blood out of her nostril again. I called the vet about it. This bleeding went on for five days. I locked her up in my bathroom and had to do a washdown of everything in there because of the blood. She was spraying so much blood around the house that my son and I decided to put her outside.


My daughter was with me for the night and in the morning we went out to see Daisy in the dog run. Previously, she and Gunnar had dug big holes in their yard and they used to like to lay in them. Well, overnight, Daisy had fallen in one of the holes and couldn't get out. My daughter and I picked her up and carried her into the house. We took off her sweater and covered her with a blanket. Daisy wasn't doing very well at all. She was crying and shaking and had trouble walking. I asked my daughter what we should do?


We gave her some warm beef broth and a raw egg. She seemed to be settling in, no longer shaking, and she could walk some now. She kept looking for some place to go, the back corner of my dining room, behind the couch, somewhere, away from everything. She was staggering and restless.


My sons had gone off to their schools. Then, my daughter needed to leave (escape?). I was all alone with Daisy. Was there any chance for her to get better? I wasn't emotionally ready for this after having dealt with the loss of Gunnar so recently. What should I do? Winter was coming and I knew she couldn't be outside. She couldn't be inside spraying blood everywhere either.


This was probably one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. All my children were conveniently absent so it was all up to me. I didn't want to have to do this alone. I really, really wanted someone to be there with me, to say that this was what I had to do.


I called the vet's office. He said that it was the right time. I loaded Daisy into the back seat of my car. I carried her into his office. They were waiting for us. I carried her into the examining room and put her on the cold steel table. He told me that I was doing the right thing. He could see how debilitated she had become from a few weeks before. He patted her and she looked at him with her sad, brown eyes. He gave her a shot in her paw. I thought it was funny that he dabbed the area with alcohol first. She tried to pull her paw away because it stung. He continued injecting. She lay her head down in the palm of my hand. I stroked her head. I watched her beautiful eyes close. I felt her final gulp as the life ebbed out of her. I noticed her ribs shudder. She was still warm and I continued to stroke her head. I didn't want to leave her. The doctor stayed with me and stroked her too. He told me she had crossed over and was now at peace. It was a peaceful end to one of the sweetest dogs I've ever had.

What are the chances of both my GSPs getting nasal cancer at eleven years old, at the same time? I used to call Daisy the 'sin-eater' because she would lick Gunnar's open wound on his head. Did she catch it? My son says she got sick because she wanted to join Gunnar and my husband.

I was watching Buddha laying in front of the wood stove like he used to do with Daisy and I was wondering what he thought about his missing friend.

RIP Daisy, you are greatly missed!

how much I missed her - song: Sorrow, artist: David Bowie, album: Pinups