Friday, January 30, 2009

in memorium: Scott

This is in memory of my beloved husband, Scott, who died on this day, two years ago, of pancreatic cancer. I was driving home from work as fast as I could because I had a bad feeling that the end was coming, but I didn't make it in time to be with him. His last words were to his oldest son, Ross, and the hospice nurse. He was talking to them when he suddenly stopped conversing with them and looked to the front, beyond them. He reached out with his arm and said "Everything is turning all white." Then, he was called Home.

The last concert we went to together, was the New Cars, in 2006. This was one of his favorite songs, Let the Good Times Roll. I still use it for my cell phone ringer. Matter of fact, I still use his cell phone.

Dear Scott,

I remember meeting you on a blind date through our mutual friend, Vicky. We met on Thanksgiving night at the Shalako Inn Bar in 1980. My best friend, Sharyn, and your roommate, Dale, were there, along with your other "darts" buddies. I remember telling you I was only there because of Vicky, and I wasn't interested in anything long term. HAH!~

I remember when we went boating on New Year's Day at Cochiti Lake. I was so impressed with your little boat. I brought along a loaf of Italian bread, salami, cheese, and frozen grapes, and we had a picnic in the cave. You proposed to me, a mere 6 weeks from the day we met. I said "Yes".

We had a nice little wedding in the first Unitarian Church, on April 25, 1981, after "shopping for churches" and, after our reception, we flew to San Francisco for our honeymoon. We talked about a double wedding with Sharyn and her boyfriend on Valentine's Day but I'm glad we didn't.

Everyone told me that you'd never take off your hat, but you did, for me.

You certainly loved your Coors Light. We even toured the brewery in Golden, Colorado.

I watched you win (and lose) your darts tournaments. But the best part for me was going dancing afterwards. Wow, we sure had some great dancing times!

I remember the time you danced so hard you sprained your ankle at the Adam and the Ants concert. Also, thank you for indulging my Bowie mania and going with me to see him 3 times in 2004!

I loved how strong you were and how safe you always made me feel in your arms.

When our first son was born, you declared "It's a Ross!"

I loved your moustache and your dimples. When you smiled, your eyes would light up.

I remember all the times we had traveling around in your little, red Dodge Van. Wow, the rainy night we drove up the mountain in Ouray to Camp Bird Mine for some camping, only to find out it was a real gold mine. We had to turn around and stay in an old dumpy motel that night.

You were so thrilled when we bought our first Arabian Horse, Barry, that you took up wearing the "I own an Arabian Horse" baseball hat.

I know you were new to horses when I met you but you really became quite the horseman. You liked finding and buying horses- Molly, Lady, Nadia, Riddler, Neena, etc. You developed quite an eye for horses. You managed to pick some pretty good ones! I always wished that we could have gotten a nice, big, old horse for you to ride so that you could ride with me more.

I thank you for buying me Annie on our Anniversary. You had just been laid off and we went to the Livestock Auction for some cheap entertainment after a dinner out. I still don't know why you decided to bid when you did. What a shock it was when we found out that you actually bought a horse!!

You built me the most magnificent barn, almost single handedly. Tony always called it my "Taj MaBarn", a true labor of love.

It always amazed me how well you could build things, everything, especially with wood. I am now sitting at the computer desk with the inlaid top that you built.

I loved watching you playing with the kids. You were always so kind and loving.

My friends used to laugh at us when we said we were practicing for kids with our Doberman-cross, Buck. I remember the day you brought him home from the pound, with a cat collar and a cut off piece of rope still around his neck. You trained him to be such a good dog!

I know how much you loved to go fishing and backpacking. I will always remember that last hike up Wheeler Peak on Labor Day before you got really sick, when you and Sheila practically raced to the top, always waiting for me and Trevor to catch up. The kids and I are still planning on hiking in the Pecos, to visit your favorite backpacking and fishing spot at Johnson Lake. I always picture you hiking, even now.

I really should have gone with you and the kids on those Green River Canoe trips. Somehow, I thought work was more important and that it would be good for you to bond with the kids. I went with Trevor and Ross last spring and I now know why you loved it so much, enough to go three times.

I remember how much you "hated" having your birthdays. You never wanted to get older, I guess. Remember how we went to Yellowstone National Park and you thought you'd escape your 40th birthday? Ha, ha, the kids and I made a cake out of marshmallows and nutter butter cookies. You were so surprised, and thrilled, I might add. ;)

I wish you could see the kids growing up. Ross is becoming quite the man. He has your knack for fixing things. Sheila is becoming more and more beautiful!!! Trevor is very kind and considerate, although he still lacks initiative.

I wish you could be here for Annie's foal this summer.

How I wish you were here. I feel cheated that I only got 25 years with you. You were my soulmate- sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night and realize that we were breathing the same.

I think about you daily and I don't know if the pain of your leaving will ever go away. I miss you so much. If people loved each other half as much as we loved each other, there would be no divorce. I await the day I see you again, my love!

Loving you, always and forever,

Your wife, V